Chris DeLine

There’s something funny about titling your show “My Life on the ‘D’-List,” isn’t there? Not really. Fitting for a show that really has nothing funny or original about it. I needed a break from some papers I was writing tonight and I turned on the television. I had heard about the show (and by heard about the show I mean not heard about the show) so I thought that I’d watch it (and by so I thought that I’d watch it I mean check and see if the “Bobby Brown – Make an Ass out of Myself While Furthering Negative Black Stereotypes Show” was on).

I got into it about half way through, but within the first minute of viewing I knew what my new goal was. No longer was I going to be watching TV in order to relax, no, this time it was personal. I didn’t mind her on Suddenly Susan, or the other thing she was on with the person and the stuff (wtf else WAS she on?). I decided that if she was going to waste fifteen minutes of my life, I would make sure no one else made the same mistake.

After being on the Jay Leno Show (I guess?…This is when I began watching): “I’m not the ugly girl at the bar that you have to be drunk to go home with.” She then began crying and jibba-jabbin’ about how she’s been blacklisted from Letterman, Regis & Kelly, Ellen and now The Tonight Show. I guess Jay Leno got jealous of her talent and refused to play second fiddle any more! As a side-note, the began ranting: I’m holding a mirror to myself going “you’re a freak.” Absolutely.

Tonight Show Experience: Kathy Griffin is a Douche (she left crying from jokes Jay Leno apparently made at her expense when her “act” is entirely composed of making fun of celebrities that people could probably actually identify)

It was at this point in time that the theme of this show was “Kathy just bein’ Kathy on a promotional tour for her wacky new DVD.” In a following scene Kathy begins bickering with her own parents because they’re not buying her new DVD. They tell her they’ve already got her act on other tapes and she continues to give them s__t. As the show follows her to her celebrity signing session at Virgin Records it also shows her selling a miserable few DVDs (including a few which her parents ended up buying). And when her dad did buy one she bitched him out because he broke the case and wouldn’t buy another. “I’m deeply in love with you, but for $15.99…no.” Fitting. Then they pan to this creepy, balding “but I’m still hip so I’ll try and style my hair so you can’t notice” dude (who is eventually mentioned as her husband, which only makes him a little less creepy) who mentions “She sold more copies then by sitting at home, so I guess it’s a success.”

Virgin Autograph Signing: Kathy Griffin is a Douche! (She wouldn’t give her own parents free DVDs, instead she makes them pay after verbally belittling them. Also, this dude who I originally thought was a stalker turns out to be her husband. Wicked Douchey)

The final stop on the tour celebrating the release of her new DVD bring us to an actual performance of thee Kathy Griffin. Her husband mentioned something that I think is quite fitting, to paraphrase “…her act is her life and her life is her act…” She’s a bitter self centered, self-important bitch. That IS her “act,” or at least what I’ve made of the 20 seconds of it that I saw on the show. Before and after the show she makes fun of her husband regarding how he intends on selling/pushing her DVD in the lobby. In the end, he ends up selling more in the one night than she does on the entire tour 33 to 24 (it’s noted on a scoreboard type picture near the end of the show).

The Gig Result: Kathy Griffin is a Douche! (Her husband outsells her, at $20 a pop, in one night compared to her entire tour…both selling embarrassing figures. Also, she turns out to not actually be funny live.)

As a final note, the show gave 25 seconds or so to explaining how someone who said they’d buy the DVD online probably wouldn’t. They wouldn’t, but by dedicating this time to them, it might make them guilty enough to actually buy it. Are you kidding me?

On air, 25 second sales pitch: Bravo is douchey. (Just play a rerun of that Poker show or some artsy movie and save us all some time from now on. Oh, and fire the person who thought this show would be a good idea. At least give them a strong talking to.)

[This post was first published by Culture Bully.]